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Re: To Find a Way Home (Mamono Assault Force)
Perhaps every time he awoke in this bed, he would only feel worse. Finding himself awake in the bed he found so familiar, recalling the time before was almost nostalgic, a good feeling compared to now. There was no reason to get up. There was no objective to pursue. In his mind, he already knew how his allies fared. He saw what happened to them. He knew what he had almost done to Samarta with no logical reason behind it. It was just outright crazy, and inhumane. Twice, and in such short time, that odd evil overtook him and drove him to do something awful. The only true comfort was the thought that everything could have went so much worse. Even then, it was hard to call it a comfort, as even if he saw Samarta simply killed on the spot, that would somehow be a slightly better outcome. She survived to have been savagely raped twice, and he let Krovika down as well as Inka and the gruffs. In the end, the angels had to come and save him. In the end, Bakan was useless. He made no difference, led his friends to be raped, and then nearly killed Samarta with his own hands.
Laying there on the bed with his blurry vision, Bakan only stared at the roof above him, and remained silent. His one life objective he set out for was to protect good people from suffering. Time and time again he failed. During the demon invasion he was beaten until near unconsciousness and laid there defeated while watching a village woman he'd come to know be raped before his eyes, pleading for the help she was promised. He never saw her again, and he dared not face her family. Then, during the alien invasion... There was simply too many, and he was tasked with defending a farmer's daughter. Still, he failed. The daughter's parents tried to kill Bakan with naught but a shabby kitchen knife in their grief as they joined with the phantoms that haunt him now. Defeating the Demon Lord of that tower was his one true accomplishment, and his only one. He rode on that, filled with newfound hope after crying in the very tower he destroyed while trying to keep all of the grief in his heart in check. He ignored it for this long, thinking he could hold it, but beyond the kind village girl and the farmer, there were so many other faces he knew who were lost to suffering. He didn't want to see any more. There was no point in continuing onwards if this would be the result every time. Before he'd let himself become lost to the madness and depression he locked away in his heart for so long...
'I'll end it. This is the one thing I can truly do to prevent suffering. Before I hurt someone like Samarta... I'll end it all.'
Perhaps every time he awoke in this bed, he would only feel worse. Finding himself awake in the bed he found so familiar, recalling the time before was almost nostalgic, a good feeling compared to now. There was no reason to get up. There was no objective to pursue. In his mind, he already knew how his allies fared. He saw what happened to them. He knew what he had almost done to Samarta with no logical reason behind it. It was just outright crazy, and inhumane. Twice, and in such short time, that odd evil overtook him and drove him to do something awful. The only true comfort was the thought that everything could have went so much worse. Even then, it was hard to call it a comfort, as even if he saw Samarta simply killed on the spot, that would somehow be a slightly better outcome. She survived to have been savagely raped twice, and he let Krovika down as well as Inka and the gruffs. In the end, the angels had to come and save him. In the end, Bakan was useless. He made no difference, led his friends to be raped, and then nearly killed Samarta with his own hands.
Laying there on the bed with his blurry vision, Bakan only stared at the roof above him, and remained silent. His one life objective he set out for was to protect good people from suffering. Time and time again he failed. During the demon invasion he was beaten until near unconsciousness and laid there defeated while watching a village woman he'd come to know be raped before his eyes, pleading for the help she was promised. He never saw her again, and he dared not face her family. Then, during the alien invasion... There was simply too many, and he was tasked with defending a farmer's daughter. Still, he failed. The daughter's parents tried to kill Bakan with naught but a shabby kitchen knife in their grief as they joined with the phantoms that haunt him now. Defeating the Demon Lord of that tower was his one true accomplishment, and his only one. He rode on that, filled with newfound hope after crying in the very tower he destroyed while trying to keep all of the grief in his heart in check. He ignored it for this long, thinking he could hold it, but beyond the kind village girl and the farmer, there were so many other faces he knew who were lost to suffering. He didn't want to see any more. There was no point in continuing onwards if this would be the result every time. Before he'd let himself become lost to the madness and depression he locked away in his heart for so long...
'I'll end it. This is the one thing I can truly do to prevent suffering. Before I hurt someone like Samarta... I'll end it all.'