Re: The Works of Toonpimp
Review time... I meant to do it earlier... but you see I recently got a game called Madworld that has been eating up most of my time. For those of you who haven't heard of it, look it up, definitely worth some time. If you have a Wii, get it. You will not be disappointed. Lots of fun. I finished it today (and I plan to run through it again on hard mode) so I went through and played the new Toonpimp game... naturally, I got a few words to say about it.
Simplistic move forward punch, kick, and generally kill your way through. Not many complaints here, but I'll list them anyways. First impression is that the combat seems a bit... shitty... you know maybe imbalanced is a gentler way to put it. Maybe it is just me, but you have to practically be right next to them in order to do anything. You have a limited number of moves starting with a basic hit, a "strong" attack, and an uppercut. A simple way to win practically any fight you are in is uppercut, jump up, air combo, rinse and repeat. Don't bother with the strong attack because it is USELESS! I have never even used it other than the first time which is when I realized that down + punch could have been replaced with something useful or interesting like a taunt or a limited use move that clears the screen... or even better a FUCKING BLOCK! Many times I knew an attack was coming but I couldn't do anything. I knew that I couldn't get out of the way in time so I just had to stand there, get bopped, and take damage. Combat though gets the job done but gets repetitive, nothing to write home about... or even mention in a casual conversation.
Level one seemed to know what the game was about. Move forward, kill something, keep moving. No problems other than enemies got a bit repetitive, but it is a beat em up after all (at least for the first level). Thought the camera got a bit on my nerves. Once you finish killing something and the "GO -->" appears, it would have been nice if the camera put Fifi back in the center. Still, it is a minor problem. I don't know, there really isn't much to complain about on the first level. Enemies where... interesting consisting of Kaa (...), a mouse, and a crocodile as a boss (which for me was the "highlight" of the game. And just in case you didn't figure it out, that is a bad sign.) I thought that I might actually enjoy the whole game... but I was wrong.
Level two is when the game went over it's peak and was heading down a slippery slope. Gone is the fighting aspect, replaced with infinitely respawning monsters. Replacing the fighting part of the game with "Get the fuck away from me, I just want to jump onto that ledge." And the choices for the respawn points... why... why the hell is it on two ledges that you want to get to. It falls or gets killed and *pop* right back where it was... there is no relief, no real wait for respawn, it clusterfucks you (no joke intended here) by itself! I didn't even know that was possible!!! Anyways, once you get out of the first part, you get to another area that seems like the game is going back to the playable format of kill and move on without any stupid ledges... but no, while jumping is minimal enemies keep on respawning... so his plan here was to turn a fighting game into a running game... great. The boss actually has an interesting premise... do enough damage to the top and go below to inflict real damage. Not a bad idea... if only it was executed correctly. Sometimes the boss will move to an area that you cannot hit the lower spot so you just stand there like a dipshit until you can do damage again and hope you stun her in the right spot. What the nelly! Poor decisions reek from this levels pores... but it doesn't prepare you for the abomination that is...
LEVEL 3!
You know how in the past, Toonpimp's attempts at platforming sucked ass? Guess what, he found a way to make it worse... Level 3 is a long level, but it starts off with possibly the worst platforming segments I have ever seen in all my years of gaming. It is almost as if the programmer blindfolded himself and placed platforms at random spots... wait no... it would have been better put together if he had done that. Returning we see the platforms that for whatever reason you are unable to jump up onto or you simply fall through them. I recently read on his forums, Toonpimp said to a group of people who were complaining about this platforming that they all just sucked at the game and he considers it the easiest area. Respect for him has significantly been lowered because I see it as thinly disguised bullshit (as with the people who were agreeing with him, but they are more sheep shit... oh, by the way, here is a link to that thread... be warned, there are some morons there:
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) Also, unlike the other games, falling is an instant game over, even with cheats. Anyways, after the part that made me rage... I went on... it became a bit better, having to fight to proceed once more reminded me that this was a fighting game, not a platformer. Going through a gauntlet though with shitty combat got real old, real fast. The boss... yeah... easy as sin. To avoid most of his attacks (besides missles) stand at the upper right corner of the robot. It cant hit you, and you can get to the weak spot quickly.
Now, sadly, the worst insult is yet to come. The ending, I mean what the fuck... after what you would laughably call a story about finding his "pimp cane" (you know, the cane that jackasses use) we find that all along, Fifi just wanted to get Toonpimps "cane" in her... Where there are numerous problems with the ending sequence (rabbits don't have fangs... just pointing that out... not a gameplay thing, but still...) which raises questions about Toonpimp. Why did he want Fifi to get his cane in order to fuck her? Is he gay and for her to get with him she had to do him a favor? Wait... he can't preform without it? Oh I get it, it's made of Viagra. Well regardless of the reason... it is still kinda fucked up.
There was so much promise to this game... wait... Toonpimp made it... let me start over.
There was a chance for Toonpimp to make a good game here... wait... that still doesn't sound right. Once more...
There was a chance that this game wouldn't have entirely sucked balls (close enough) but once again, with sloppy design, poor execution, tedious repetitive gameplay, and just... reused animations... (not even any cumshots... oh wait... maybe that is for the best, because if you seen this particular artist's cumshots you will probably wonder what the fuck it is and why it looks like fetachini alfredo.) Adding insult to injury I was reading the credits and found that he worked with an artist called Roary whose art is actually pretty damn good. (check out his link if you are into that sort of stuff:
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) This is one boat I think this artist should jump if he wants to keep his integrity in tact... I for one wouldn't want to affiliate myself with... that sort of work...
Every game this guy makes is like a fucking slap to the face. These games are shit, he seems to know it. (unless he ONLY listens to the words of his so called "die hard fans" ((I call them sheep)) and ignores all criticism.) Listening to why people don't like what you do is part of anything you do. You can improve upon your techniques by opening your ears to every viewpoint and go with what works instead of thinking of everyone who talks down at your work as a tosser. This goes for everyone too. When you find out what makes your work sucks, you can get rid of it and make it a more enjoyable experience. I'm not sure if Toonpimp will actually learn this lesson (seems a bit too thick) but all I know is that next time he releases a game, and it is yet another slap the the face, I will retort with another negative review. Common sense.
So, with an douchebag egotistical story, laughable combat, horrendous platforming, and simply... lazy design Fifi's fury gets a 5/10. But lets face it... it could have been a lot worse...
That's it for me... I'm gonna go back to playing MadWorld... a GOOD game. Thanks for reading
