Epic Quotes
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startreknerd11011011
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Re: Epic Quotes
Daphne Moon: it's not like men have never used sex as a way to get what they want.
Frasier Crane: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!
****
Lister: D'ya think Wilma's sexy?
Cat: Wilma Flintstone?
Lister: Maybe we've been alone in deep space too long, but every time I see that body, it drives me crazy. Is it me?
Cat: Well, I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman that ever lived.
Lister: That's good. I thought I was going strange.
Cat: She's incredible!
Lister: What d'ya think of Betty?
Cat: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
****
Rimmer: [discussing his last exam] Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins.
Lister: You what? You went in there, wrote "I AM A FISH" four hundred times, did a funny little dance and fainted!
Rimmer: That's a total lie.
Lister: No, it's not. Peterson told me.
Rimmer: "No, it's not. Peterson told me." Lister, if you must know, I submitted a discourse on porous circuitry that was too... radical, too unconventional, too mould-breaking for the examiners to accept.
Lister: Yeah. You said you were a fish!
Grant and Naylor are the greatest comedy writing duo in the entire history of everything
Daphne Moon: it's not like men have never used sex as a way to get what they want.
Frasier Crane: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!
****
Lister: D'ya think Wilma's sexy?
Cat: Wilma Flintstone?
Lister: Maybe we've been alone in deep space too long, but every time I see that body, it drives me crazy. Is it me?
Cat: Well, I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman that ever lived.
Lister: That's good. I thought I was going strange.
Cat: She's incredible!
Lister: What d'ya think of Betty?
Cat: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
****
Rimmer: [discussing his last exam] Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins.
Lister: You what? You went in there, wrote "I AM A FISH" four hundred times, did a funny little dance and fainted!
Rimmer: That's a total lie.
Lister: No, it's not. Peterson told me.
Rimmer: "No, it's not. Peterson told me." Lister, if you must know, I submitted a discourse on porous circuitry that was too... radical, too unconventional, too mould-breaking for the examiners to accept.
Lister: Yeah. You said you were a fish!
Grant and Naylor are the greatest comedy writing duo in the entire history of everything
Zelzar
Grim Reaper
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Re: Epic Quotes
"Personally, at this point, I'd only consider buying The Darkness if it came down to budget price. And they threw in another, better game. ...And some cake. ...And Belgium." - The Darkness Demo
"Let me just transcribe my thought process at the time. "Dum de dum. Well this isn't very scary. Oh look, physics! I can throw chairs around like a removal man who completely stopped giving a shit. Doors blowing open in the wind? Yawn-o-rama. Guess I'll just look upstairs then I might as well play Halo: Reach little bit. Nope, nothing much up here either. I'll just go back and... Woah, what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know but it looked cross about something so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead. Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around and WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?! AUGH RUN RUN RUN RUN I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO MESS YOUR CHAIRS UP OH PISSING BLIMEY THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS" - Amnesia; The Dark Descent
"Never stick your dick in a pudding. Yeah it might still be good pudding and you can spend all day explaining it but nobody's gonna eat it because YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT." - Prince of Persia Retrospective
"So in the name of keeping things nice and clear for you touchy sods, let me be as unambiguous as possible in this critique: Mindjack is FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD. DON'T. DON'T. DON'T. DON'T play it!" - Mindjack
"The weapons are a bold effort to escape the usual lineup of melee, pistol, shotgun, machine gun, rocket launcher, and overpowered exotic thing that you never get any ammo for and only use in boss fights anyway. The default melee weapon is the titular Painkiller, a rotating blade arangement perfect for forecasting light showers of body parts and reenacting the lawnmower scene from the movie Braindead. That's Dead-Alive if you're American and fat. As for the guns, I could mention the hugely satisfying penis-extension gun that pins baddies to walls with entire trees, but all you really need to know is that there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. I wish I could make something like that up; it shoots shurikens and lightning. It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire." - Painkiller
"Anyway, fuck you if you want a story; here's your story: demons over there, KILL THEY ASS. Among Japanese games, Ninja Gaiden II is almost unique in its immediacy. It has none of that Metal Gear Solid bullshit of cutscene dialogue that could fill a modest paperback. None of that Devil May Cry cockpiddle where the cinematics selfishly hog all the fun. None of that Zelda... erm... applesauce where you spend the first six hours on a starting island learning the subtle arts of waving a sharp stick around going Yah!" - Ninja Gaiden 2
"Silent Hill 2 is very good at telling a story without words. Everything is drenched in symbolism, the basic monsters are all suspiciously effeminate, with the exception of Pyramid Head, in his first appearance before he totally sold out, an uber-masculine powerhouse repeatedly seen plunging his massive throbbing knife into the other monsters' moist quivering bodies, which obviously symbolizes...neo-conservative imperialism. You start to think that James' nightmare might be entirely of his own creation, as if the town is just handing him a set of jump leads and watching as he sticks them on his balls. It's a fascinating voyage of pain and despair that leaves you emotionally drained and satisfied, like fucking a burning dolphin." - Silent Hill 2
"I strongly advise not trying to follow the story on your first run-through, there are some things for which the human mind just isn't equipped. Bayonetta was found at the bottom of a river twenty years ago and now works with demons from Hell to kill angels, who are apparently evil because they keep attacking Bayonetta because she keeps attacking them. The baddies or possibly the goodies are trying to resurrect some big evil god thing which is linked to some ancient clan of witches and rival clan of sages and some associated evil corporation who presumably felt a bit left out. And there's this guy in a Harry Potter scarf who wants to either kill Bayonetta or bone her silly, and there's this little girl who's either Bayonetta's daughter or a younger version of herself - AAAARGH! Sometimes I miss the old Pac-Man storytelling method: eat pills, avoid ghosts. That's it. Only sometimes you can eat ghosts as well if you - AAARGH!" - Bayonetta
"Personally, at this point, I'd only consider buying The Darkness if it came down to budget price. And they threw in another, better game. ...And some cake. ...And Belgium." - The Darkness Demo
"Let me just transcribe my thought process at the time. "Dum de dum. Well this isn't very scary. Oh look, physics! I can throw chairs around like a removal man who completely stopped giving a shit. Doors blowing open in the wind? Yawn-o-rama. Guess I'll just look upstairs then I might as well play Halo: Reach little bit. Nope, nothing much up here either. I'll just go back and... Woah, what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know but it looked cross about something so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead. Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around and WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?! AUGH RUN RUN RUN RUN I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO MESS YOUR CHAIRS UP OH PISSING BLIMEY THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS" - Amnesia; The Dark Descent
"Never stick your dick in a pudding. Yeah it might still be good pudding and you can spend all day explaining it but nobody's gonna eat it because YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT." - Prince of Persia Retrospective
"So in the name of keeping things nice and clear for you touchy sods, let me be as unambiguous as possible in this critique: Mindjack is FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD. DON'T. DON'T. DON'T. DON'T play it!" - Mindjack
"The weapons are a bold effort to escape the usual lineup of melee, pistol, shotgun, machine gun, rocket launcher, and overpowered exotic thing that you never get any ammo for and only use in boss fights anyway. The default melee weapon is the titular Painkiller, a rotating blade arangement perfect for forecasting light showers of body parts and reenacting the lawnmower scene from the movie Braindead. That's Dead-Alive if you're American and fat. As for the guns, I could mention the hugely satisfying penis-extension gun that pins baddies to walls with entire trees, but all you really need to know is that there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. I wish I could make something like that up; it shoots shurikens and lightning. It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire." - Painkiller
"Anyway, fuck you if you want a story; here's your story: demons over there, KILL THEY ASS. Among Japanese games, Ninja Gaiden II is almost unique in its immediacy. It has none of that Metal Gear Solid bullshit of cutscene dialogue that could fill a modest paperback. None of that Devil May Cry cockpiddle where the cinematics selfishly hog all the fun. None of that Zelda... erm... applesauce where you spend the first six hours on a starting island learning the subtle arts of waving a sharp stick around going Yah!" - Ninja Gaiden 2
"Silent Hill 2 is very good at telling a story without words. Everything is drenched in symbolism, the basic monsters are all suspiciously effeminate, with the exception of Pyramid Head, in his first appearance before he totally sold out, an uber-masculine powerhouse repeatedly seen plunging his massive throbbing knife into the other monsters' moist quivering bodies, which obviously symbolizes...neo-conservative imperialism. You start to think that James' nightmare might be entirely of his own creation, as if the town is just handing him a set of jump leads and watching as he sticks them on his balls. It's a fascinating voyage of pain and despair that leaves you emotionally drained and satisfied, like fucking a burning dolphin." - Silent Hill 2
"I strongly advise not trying to follow the story on your first run-through, there are some things for which the human mind just isn't equipped. Bayonetta was found at the bottom of a river twenty years ago and now works with demons from Hell to kill angels, who are apparently evil because they keep attacking Bayonetta because she keeps attacking them. The baddies or possibly the goodies are trying to resurrect some big evil god thing which is linked to some ancient clan of witches and rival clan of sages and some associated evil corporation who presumably felt a bit left out. And there's this guy in a Harry Potter scarf who wants to either kill Bayonetta or bone her silly, and there's this little girl who's either Bayonetta's daughter or a younger version of herself - AAAARGH! Sometimes I miss the old Pac-Man storytelling method: eat pills, avoid ghosts. That's it. Only sometimes you can eat ghosts as well if you - AAARGH!" - Bayonetta
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Ranger Princess
Tentacle God
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Re: Epic Quotes
Usopp: Do we have to go there in the middle of a fricken hurricane like this?!
Sanji: Okay then. I think we should say something to mark the occasion.
Sanji: I'm going to the Grand Line to find the All Blue.
Monkey D. Luffy: I'm gonna be king of the pirates!
Roronoa Zoro: The world's best swordsman.
Nami: I'm going so I can draw a map of the entire world.
Usopp: I guess I'm going... to be a brave warrior of the sea!
Luffy: And now to the Grand Line!
Everyone: Yeah!!
^_^
Usopp: Do we have to go there in the middle of a fricken hurricane like this?!
Sanji: Okay then. I think we should say something to mark the occasion.
Sanji: I'm going to the Grand Line to find the All Blue.
Monkey D. Luffy: I'm gonna be king of the pirates!
Roronoa Zoro: The world's best swordsman.
Nami: I'm going so I can draw a map of the entire world.
Usopp: I guess I'm going... to be a brave warrior of the sea!
Luffy: And now to the Grand Line!
Everyone: Yeah!!
^_^
Kusanagi
Chief Nippleseer
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Re: Epic Quotes
"Which would you rather have: Feet made of waffle irons, or a gigantic melon-sized head?"
"If you cannot bear the shame of being a blackjack dealer, you could impale yourself on a very sharp sword."
"But, Master, I would die."
"..... Yes."
"... With all due respect to my ancestors, fuck that shit! Blackjack all the way, baby!"
-
"Which would you rather have: Feet made of waffle irons, or a gigantic melon-sized head?"
"If you cannot bear the shame of being a blackjack dealer, you could impale yourself on a very sharp sword."
"But, Master, I would die."
"..... Yes."
"... With all due respect to my ancestors, fuck that shit! Blackjack all the way, baby!"
-
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Kiriko
Jungle Girl
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- Sep 30, 2011
- Messages
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Re: Epic Quotes
"I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn’t let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I’m just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time."
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs
"I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn’t let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I’m just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time."
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs
Iggy
Tentacle God
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Re: Epic Quotes
"Time...cruel...fearful...
A swamp, where one is about to executed one for a crime he did not commit...
A sea, where a fallen musician can only lament his failure...
A mountain, where a leader is powerless to save his people...
A valley, where the ghosts of the past still fight a war that has long since ended...
A town...caught between it all...where the end begins...
And one boy...a hero...with all the time in the world...and no time at all...to save this world...
This is Majora's Mask."
-Some guy on Youtube...
"Time...cruel...fearful...
A swamp, where one is about to executed one for a crime he did not commit...
A sea, where a fallen musician can only lament his failure...
A mountain, where a leader is powerless to save his people...
A valley, where the ghosts of the past still fight a war that has long since ended...
A town...caught between it all...where the end begins...
And one boy...a hero...with all the time in the world...and no time at all...to save this world...
This is Majora's Mask."
-Some guy on Youtube...
Cappy
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Re: Epic Quotes
From my favourite character in a game of thrones, when he was partially forced into giving a confession.
Tyrion: "Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored.I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me.
You want specifics, I suppose?.. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing...
When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice.
When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did.
I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...."
From my favourite character in a game of thrones, when he was partially forced into giving a confession.
Tyrion: "Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored.I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me.
You want specifics, I suppose?.. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing...
When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice.
When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did.
I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...."
StiffSponge
Banned
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Re: Epic Quotes
"Oh, it's a BITCH APOCALYPSE NOW, BITCH!" - Louis
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all" - The gas cloud known as god from futurama.. It seems like something a taoist would say, though.
"Oh, it's a BITCH APOCALYPSE NOW, BITCH!" - Louis
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all" - The gas cloud known as god from futurama.. It seems like something a taoist would say, though.
Zelzar
Grim Reaper
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Re: Epic Quotes
"It's a door."
"It's another door."
"It's what we in the trade call a door."
"It's a rectangular piece of wood used to fill large ungainly holes in walls"
"It's a door, what more is there to say?"
"As you already figured it out, this is a door."
"My keen senses tell me that this is a door."
"Is this a door I see before me?"
"It's larger than a window and smaller than a garage, so I guess it's a door."
"Think of all doors I've seen here, this is by far the best."
"I take it back, THIS is the best door in this house."
"I used to go out with a girl who had a door just like that."
"Have I already told you about the girl who had a door just like that?"
"Her name was Patricia....."
"She had eyes like sapphires..... hair like a fountain of the night....."
"and the most incredible pair of...."
"....of...."
"earrings I had ever seen."
"Anyway, she left me for the lead singer of The Doors, which explains why this door reminds me of her, I suppose."
"Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble when players won't stop looking at the bloody doors."
Trilby - Chzo Mythos Series - 5 Days A Stranger
"It's a door."
"It's another door."
"It's what we in the trade call a door."
"It's a rectangular piece of wood used to fill large ungainly holes in walls"
"It's a door, what more is there to say?"
"As you already figured it out, this is a door."
"My keen senses tell me that this is a door."
"Is this a door I see before me?"
"It's larger than a window and smaller than a garage, so I guess it's a door."
"Think of all doors I've seen here, this is by far the best."
"I take it back, THIS is the best door in this house."
"I used to go out with a girl who had a door just like that."
"Have I already told you about the girl who had a door just like that?"
"Her name was Patricia....."
"She had eyes like sapphires..... hair like a fountain of the night....."
"and the most incredible pair of...."
"....of...."
"earrings I had ever seen."
"Anyway, she left me for the lead singer of The Doors, which explains why this door reminds me of her, I suppose."
"Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble when players won't stop looking at the bloody doors."
Trilby - Chzo Mythos Series - 5 Days A Stranger
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Re: Epic Quotes
"The Inquisition has a right to be surprised if I hammer in nails with a microscope... But there's no way you can charge me with that." -Gesar Day Watch
"The Inquisition has a right to be surprised if I hammer in nails with a microscope... But there's no way you can charge me with that." -Gesar Day Watch
- Joined
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Re: Epic Quotes
Someone pointed out to me how the mutant episode of Adventure Time played out when you weren't watching what was going on in the episode.
Finn: "Kim! Get underneath Trudy."
Kim: "N..no man, please. I frickin hate Trudy."
Finn: "Kim! I will destroy you!"
Kim: "OK! OK!"
Jake: "Hehehe, yeeah.. do it Kim."
Kim: *some grunting and nervous laughter*
Finn: "Yes! Now for me! RRRRAGH."
Someone pointed out to me how the mutant episode of Adventure Time played out when you weren't watching what was going on in the episode.
Finn: "Kim! Get underneath Trudy."
Kim: "N..no man, please. I frickin hate Trudy."
Finn: "Kim! I will destroy you!"
Kim: "OK! OK!"
Jake: "Hehehe, yeeah.. do it Kim."
Kim: *some grunting and nervous laughter*
Finn: "Yes! Now for me! RRRRAGH."