My chest - I'm clearing it.

[Megamickel]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I tend to disagree - I think dreams are a way for our mind to creatively explore pathways it can't in real life for fear of injury or something else, though they may not be relative to anything happening.

That being said, I do think there is something to be said about these recurring dreams, if only because they all stick with me the way they have.

But ladies and gents, I really, really appreciate the words you've shared. It's.... well, it means more than I can say. I'm not going to lie, I'm screwed up in the head right now. I've been having thoughts of suicide for the past couple weeks. Everything in my life is fucked at the moment (most of it is my own doing)... I'm fucking up in school, I've completely wrecked my personal life, and my romantic life... well, I'm too much of a coward to have one. Only thing I haven't managed to ruin is my job... Yep, I'll probably be stuck with a shitty part-time job at a drugstore for the rest of my life. On top of the shit I've always taken for being, well, me, I've been giving myself shit. I've pretty much given up on myself, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I'm scared, to tell the truth. That's hard as hell for me to admit, but... it's true. I'm scared of the direction my life has taken. I started smoking, I've been drinking a lot more heavily... I tried pot. Something I swore I'd never do. And I enjoyed it, because it took away the stress. I'm spiraling downward and I don't know how to pull up. And why can't I talk to someone in real life? The only family around me right now is, well... I don't feel comfortable talking with, and my friends are... Who am I kidding, I have no friends near me anymore. I need help, but I'm afraid of the answers help might bring. I'm afraid of responsibility, and I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm still just a big kid inside, and that may be my utter undoing.

 

[Chibichibi]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I know, the thing you want least of all right now is pity but...

Look, I may not be there right next to you, but I'll be here if you need me. And my mom always told me this, "just when you think things are getting rough, there will be someone there to pull you up. It may be an angel, it may just be a kindhearted person, but there will always be someone."

And i don't think anyone's really ready to be an adult, it just happens and we sink or swim.

And if you want my number PM me, I'll be glad to listen and glad to help you if you want.

I'm mostly rambling right now becuause I've gone without sleep since 1PM yesterday, but I wanted to let you know that you could count of me if you wanted to. I've stuck with people that've done far worse things to their lives. *hugs*

 

[Newbie]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I have no pity for you Mick, and the reason is this: You know what your problems are. If nothing else, you are aware of what's causing the stress and the grief. Felling sorry for yourself and having others feel sorry for you does nothing, and may even make you complacent in your funk. You know at least the beginning steps you can take to put things right. It's fine if you have trouble talking to people about it, but that's no reason to just accept it. Fake it till you make it they say, and they're right. You don't have the confidence to succeed? Pretend you do, people will treat you like you do, and eventually that false confidence becomes real. But no amount of internet pirty, sympathy, apathy, or rage will ever do anything to help your situation in RL. That's something you have to do.

 

[Tassadar]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Welcome to adulthood Mega. That's probably not what you want to hear, but I've long since stopped bothering to lie to people about these things. If you want the pain to go away, or at least get significantly weaker, the only thing you can do (that i know of) is to give up your fear. As Newbie said though, it's all up to you. No one can help you with anything more than advice, you're going to have to take the initiative, which in itself is probably an intimidating idea. I know it was for me. Your experience of love is, apparently, very similar to mine. I went through the same thing twice, hell I'm going through it right now, the only difference being I don't have a job. All your other problems stem from your feelings for this girl. You screwed up your social life because you're scared of your feelings, you started smoking and drinking because they numb the pain. Am I correct in saying you're currently a virgin? Or at least don't have a lot of relationship experience?

We can switch this to PMs if you find it easier to keep things private. I help people with these types of problems for a living. Sort of.

 

[Sinfulwolf]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I'd just like to state that me being only twenty years old, I have not experienced much. We young people like to think we've seen so very much (and most of it bad) but we really havn't. I've seen horror, cowardice, stupidity and downright evil in my years, but no where close to the evil that my grandparents have witnessed in their years.

However, for the defense of the goodness in humanity, and I hate to bring it up once again, but on my tour I have seen courage, selflessness, and hope. For example, the men and women I serve with all volunteered to come over here. No one was told they had to go, this was 100% volunteer, and everyone was told expressively that there may be chance that they won't be coming home to see their families again, or that they may come home without a limb. They still came to do their job. I'd also like to point out that anyone in my section is willing to lay their life down for anyone else, willing to die so that a friend may live. There is no exceptions though they may say that it's not true. Its just how we are, and its amazing to see the goodness in people come out like this.

I've also seen some great things from the Afghan people. Makes me proud to be a human being again.

 

[ToxicShock]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Well, not to get into an argument with you, but it's pretty much professionally disregarded in the entirety of the psychological community. Your dreams really do mean nothing. They're about as accurate in analyzing as a horoscope, considering personal interpretation could mean the difference between "You like this girl" and "you hate her"

 

[dmronny]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Speaking as an alcoholic who's gone through some of these problems before. The best thing to do is not to accept it and face it like Newbie said. If you want to talk through PM's or whatever just let me know it's often easier to face your fears if you know someone's behind you even if it's not literal.

 

[Megamickel]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I think what's helped more than anything is just sharing the problems. That in and of itself has made me feel better, I think. I know, or at least think I know, what the problems are... but I guess I didn't really put it all together until I put it into words. I think... that I'll go for a drive tomorrow. Not really to anywhere in particular, but just driving to drive, ya know? It helps me clear my head and put things in order. Gas prices have come down, it's cheaper now, and it's healthier than drinking my problems away.

Yeah, I know I need to step up and be a man. But it's so damn hard... I mean, I want to be a man... I want to step up and do it, but I just feel like I'm not ready. I don't know enough, I'm not strong enough to succeed.

 

[Lumarin]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I think what's helped more than anything is just sharing the problems. That in and of itself has made me feel better, I think. I know, or at least think I know, what the problems are... but I guess I didn't really put it all together until I put it into words. I think... that I'll go for a drive tomorrow. Not really to anywhere in particular, but just driving to drive, ya know? It helps me clear my head and put things in order. Gas prices have come down, it's cheaper now, and it's healthier than drinking my problems away.

Yeah, I know I need to step up and be a man. But it's so damn hard... I mean, I want to be a man... I want to step up and do it, but I just feel like I'm not ready. I don't know enough, I'm not strong enough to succeed.

Too true.

I think everyone feels like that at some point. The best advice I can give is to find the things you love most and enjoy them as much as you can.

Good luck with your drive, and if you can, find a nice looking little place somewhere and just enjoy some air.

 

[Tassadar]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Sounds good. I always walk to clear my head, so it's the same concept. Movement.

Of course it's hard. You are ready, the only thing holding you back right now is you. Metaphysical strength isn't a quality to be had or a quantity to be measured, it's a choice to do what is hard rather than what is easy. The best thing you can do is say "fuck it" and just go for it, because you can't be any worse off for trying. You've got nothing to lose.

 

[gameguru777]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

I can't say too much on the whole dealy with the dreams, as... well... I'm not too smart in that area.

As for the whole humanity thing, I don't believe that everyone is that bad. I mean sure there are ass holes, jerks, morons, ignorant people who just need to FUCK OFF!!! *Deep breath...* alright, I'm good. But I believe that humanity as a whole is all right. When was the last time you were lost and when you asked for directions someone told you to piss off? Well... it has not happened to me. Most people will help you. Of course I come from a small back water town where everyone knows everyone. But at college (after getting over the system shock and I started talking to people) I found that most people are friendly and wanna hang out or something. I don't know, maybe I have just been lucky. I often find that the ass holes get more attention than the good people, which is why it is common to think that all people are complete dicks. I try to live by this quote:

"I learned at a young age that to get through life you have to either be very intelligent or very pleasant. I've been intelligent for years... but I recommend pleasant." (Internet high five for whoever gets where this comes from)

One thing you can do to test how a person really acts is to take them out to eat. See how they treat the waiter or waitress. This has helped me avoid a lot of the wrong people.

 

[Megamickel]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Yeah... if I could afford to go to restaraunts with waiters and waitresses, lol. You don't get that on a part-time salary when you're $4000 in debt. Damned student loans not covering my tuition...

But anyways, I guess just putting what I already knew into writing was the best thing I could do for myself. I sat and wrote when I came to a small park in a small country town. I don't have the writings on me, though... something about the water in the lake... or the waves.... or some bullshit it really doesn't matter.

 

[dmronny]

Re: My chest - I'm clearing it.

Probably why I go walking so much, don't care what the weather is I walk unless I'm working and I need to use the truck. Either way glad to hear that talking about it is working.