RPG Patreon Active RPG Maker [YummyTiger] Aylia's Story

[Xil]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

@Xil: Choices will effect outfits slightly. There are not a ton of outfits in the game because of the amount of work involved. Each outfit has unique artwork, unique battle attack graphics, unique ways to be exploited in battle, etc. Meaning, adding an outfit adds a lot of work. There will be a few non-battle outfits that are quest specific, so those are less work (think tavern wench, dancer, etc.). In those cases, your choices in the quests will absolutely influence whether Aylia wears that outfit. In the end, even with around 4-6 main outfits, I think people will be pleased, as the outfit selection is more meaningful than simply a layer of clothing on a standard portrait.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking when pondering that. I was basically thinking if it's like other games (non-hentai games) with alignment choices where you get different rewards based on your alignment.

I think it works that way in Mass Effect but I'm not sure. (only really played the first game). Another example could be SWTOR where you get a good guy outfit at the end of a big questline or a bad guy outfit depending on your choices. Same as the weapons, blue lightsaber for good and red for evil.

Anyway, less clothing choices can be better sometimes because of how unique the clothes look. If there alot of choices some of them are usually bland and boring.

 

[bigtotoro]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Munchkin quest tease? You mean the bones in the mines or the bones in the forest? Don't worry though, there are munchkins in chapter 1

As for the battle suggestion, that is actually I think one of the final "system" components to figure out. I'm not sure if remembering your last selection is doable, but I definitely plan on having Bogwort default to "skip," as that has been requested multiple times. His "advice" must not be very helpful, hehe

I mean the conversation with Triste(my favorite so far btw) and the farmer. She sounded so haughty about solving the problem herself. Wonder what could happen to her... Different outcomes depending on player intervention?

I'm almost sure I played RPG maker games that stay on the last battle choice, otherwise I wouldn't note it. It is possible to live with, of course, but if possible to do, it makes gameplay much smoother. What I don't know if it's actually possible and would also like, is switching between character with arrows once you select them in the status screen, but that is a problem all RPGmaker games have... So, maybe I just have some pet peeves with RPGmaker UI in general...

 

[EggsBenedict]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Something I noticed and am sliiiighty annoyed with is how Aylia is forced to have panties while she clearly did not have any in the opening scene where you can see her trapped in the crystal.

Just a small thought.

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Yummy Tiger Gaming sounds like an e-sport team name

Well, I don't know about you, but when I get done with a hardcore hgame session, I am worn out ! Haha! I wish I knew how to write out that drum symbol sound they make after corny jokes... Boodoomp crash...

@bigtotoro: I'm with you. Triste is my favorite as well. She'll have scenes in the next release--at least if you take that route.

@Eggsbenedict: Well, I did draw a panty line on her originally, but when I scaled it down to fit into RPG Maker's 640x480, it looked like crap. Heck, Aylia's panties have changed like 5 times throughout this process, which is why they are different between certain CGs. I think I'm satisfied with how they are now, and I'll probably touch-up a few CGs down the line. For now though, you'll just have to ignore that slight inconsistency.

As for her being in only panties. Well, I did invent a plot reason for it. When the Eliandre lost the war, the Divines attempted to destroy anything related to their attempts to control Valla in an effort to prevent future conflict. Aylia's priestess robes were inscribed with runes, and hence destroyed. Her panties were not. She was unconscious at the time, although I do plan on addressing this in a rather humorous exchange way later in the game (if the player makes specific choices).

In all honesty though, it is just a plot device to get her topless and have the potato sack exchange (which I love). I wanted panty shots, and I did not want her to be totally naked right away. Pretty much every scene in the prologue is my effort to break up the text-heavy nature of establishing a world. I did not want people to play 30 minutes and get no reward. Don't worry though, things get steamier in chapter 1 and that trend will continue down the line.

Thanks for all the comments though! I love to read your guys feedback.

 

[habisain]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Pretty much every scene in the prologue is my effort to break up the text-heavy nature of establishing a world.

I'm glad you mentioned that, because if I'm honest, this is my number one problem with what you've released so far. So, apologies if this sounds overly negative, but this is my take on the issue from a storytelling point of view. I don't think it's that establishing a world is inherently text-heavy, but rather the pacing and timing of your writing style - I just feel that you're missing the mark quite a lot, which manifests in overwriting, which a) creates more text and b) creates dull text.

So, for example, the intro FMV ends with "That call has finally come, And she is awakened, By the most unlikely of sources, a lecherous goblin, Who beleives in neither Gods not good, Who cares for little besides carnal desire, And yet his role will be profound...". I'd say this should really be cut off at "By the most unlikely of sources" - and possibly reorder the intro so that Bogwart is introduced exactly then, and flash-back later to the scene with Aylia inside the crystal - or even just have Aylia mention what she could remember just before she was released.

The reasoning for that sort of decision goes as follows:
1) All the descriptors of Bogwart in the intro are already established in other positions, or can easily established. It's immediately apparent he's a perv, so there's no need to say explicitly that he's a perv. Similarly, the Gods at the beginning say that he's important in Aylia's destiny/whatever, so there's no need to say that.
2) Having established that you don't need to explicitly say a lot of stuff, you can cut out a decent chunk of quite dull text. Generally speaking anything redundant should be cut, because it improves the flow of the text. Readers/players want the plot to advance, so while you can use verbosity or repeating for certain effects, they shouldn't be used without a purpose - which is what I would argue happens here.
3) Given that the intro FMV ends focusing on Bogwart, the logical next scene should show Bogwart. Jumping inside the crystal introduces an unexpected scene transition, which forces additional context changes on the reader, and again, disrupts the flow.

So, this is just the most obvious example of poor flow I could quickly find, but I'd say it's pretty endemic - or at least in the introductory portion. Perhaps when there's less establishing, your writing style will be less vulnerable to this kind of problem. Unfortunately, the introduction is where you set impressions, so it really needs to be right.

Again, apologies if this sounds overly negative, but I'm applying the same sorts of evaluation techniques as I apply to my own writing - which has it's flaws as well, but once edited, I don't think pacing/verbosity is one of them.

Note: this forum post is not edited. Verbosity is a problem.

Oh, and the SFX you're looking for is baDUM-tish (a

You must be registered to see the links

), isn't it?

 

[bigtotoro]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

@yummytiger Glad to hear that, then I can hope she won't be neglected in the game Somehow you designed her to perfectly to fit my tastes - outdoor-ish tomboyish type with short hair, dressed practically but with a bare midriff

I agree in many points with habisain. I also find what you wrote a good example of constructive criticism for which there need to be no apologies Unless something is posed as a personal attack (a.k.a. "You did this wrong and you are stupid because of that") but as something constructive ("I'd do this better and this is how") I feel there is no need to apologize. Sometimes people can't take criticism, but if what you write is with good intentions they have nothing to complain about

I'd like to add some other feedback of mine. I like how the world allows me to interact with everything and there is a lot of lore, but then, I sometimes don't know what is important and what's not.

Like the flowers for example. On first collection I got a dialogue I found not that interesting, but I read through it because I didn't know if something very important to the story won't be revealed. Maybe making one of the buttons an examine button on the keyboard would be better (then you also repeat the lore information as many times as you want). Or an in-game encyclopedia in the status screen.

 

[habisain]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

I agree in many points with habisain. I also find what you wrote a good example of constructive criticism for which there need to be no apologies Unless something is posed as a personal attack (a.k.a. "You did this wrong and you are stupid because of that") but as something constructive ("I'd do this better and this is how") I feel there is no need to apologize. Sometimes people can't take criticism, but if what you write is with good intentions they have nothing to complain about

Oh, I'm not apologising for what I said - just how I said it. Normally I follow the style of criticism which is contrasting a positive with a negative. Due to being in a bit of a rush, I omitted the positive contrast, so the tone of the critique becomes quite negative, which I don't like.

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

@Habisain: Well really, the intro video is merely a product of an older idea where I would have had a video for the entire introduction. Then I learned that RPG Maker requires turning video into OGV files, I couldn't find a converter that worked well without losing 70% of the quality, so I scratched that idea. That said, I don't believe the short intro video is a valid example of the prologue's writing overall. In fact, I'd argue that it is probably the worst example you could use, as it is the ONLY portion that has not had extensive edits.

In all my edits, I try to remove 10-15% of the writing. Most of the time I succeed. I know that this is a hentai game, and as such, the writing can become overbearing, but I plan on using this world and lore for some time to come. Additionally, I just couldn't see how Aylia would wake up from centuries of slumber and not have a number of questions. In the end, this game will remain subjective because it will be a story-driven title, which does not appeal to all.

I DO appreciate the criticism though, as I'm always striving to improve. I started really writing fiction with Literotica and learned so much from those editors there. I tend to be wordy, but have gotten better. This will definitely improve in Aylia's Story, when the brunt of what the player is doing is actually exploring and doing quests. I believe then, the level of text will fall more into line with the level of sex, which should be fun. Ultimately, if I feel the video is detrimental overall, I may just end up dropping it.

@Bigtotoro: anything important blinks or has a flashing sparkle. Everything else is extra. The exploration tutorial really highlights this.

 

[Xil]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

The bad thing I could see about cutting text is that it becomes too bland like many English H-RPGS which usually have only a couple of sentences and suddenly the players is starting some grand adventure.

While this is a H-RPG, it's still an RPG, so I think the story is necessary if people are to remember it as a good game overall. Examples I could set are LoQO, The Last Sovereign and Elysium.

There's always the option of just skipping text too. Thing is, in the end it doesn't really matter to me if the text is too long aslong as it's interesting and it pulls you in. I'm quite excited to see more of the world Yummy is making.

Ultimately, if I feel the video is detrimental overall, I may just end up dropping it.

Are you talking about the very first thing you see with the rolling text? I like that, it makes the game feel more than just your average hentai game.

 

[bigtotoro]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

@Bigtotoro: anything important blinks or has a flashing sparkle. Everything else is extra. The exploration tutorial really highlights this.

I was not referring to not being able to recognize which objects are important and which are not (I interact with everything anyway). I was talking about dialogue, which can also be important or just flavor concerning that particular optional thing. What I meant is that I personally, would prefer that the extended dialogue about the history of healing plants be kept to closer examination instead of an exchange taking place when I first time collect them. You can do with that feedback as you wish, it may not be the best thing, just my honest opinion.

Also, I subconsciously assigned higher importance to flashing objects, which is good design on your part.

But let's say a player didn't know something that I, as a designer consider critical to their enjoyment of the game. Then I, as a designer should start thinking critically about how I communicate this information to the player. Text tutorials are the least intuitive way to convey information within a game - sort of a last passable option. The flashing in this case is a great example of how to convey this information better - I didn't need no tutorial for that "It was in the tutorial" is basically not the best answer, is what I wanna say

End of rant Sorry, playtesting is a pet topic of mine

 

[habisain]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Well, perhaps the intro video is a particularly bad example, but it's not the only one. To continue with other examples:

"Aylias pleas go unanswered, and another, stranger voice appears." -> "Strange Voice: Hrmmm...."

I'd argue here that the first sentence is entirely redundant.

"Titan's tit, that hurt..." -> "The goblin's kick causes part of the rock wall to fall away.. a glimmer catches his eye" -> "What's that?"

The middle descriptive sentence is redundant. We see the opening appear, Bogwart expresses an interest in what's inside.

"...You will move!" -> "In the heat of passion..." -> "Fizzlepoof!" -> "A 'massive' fire spark shoots from his out..."

Again, the descriptive sentences just break the flow. They're pretty much redundant - they are fairly literal descriptions of events that you see happening! The only bit of interesting information in these, I suspect, is that Bogwart is a Shaman.

Now the point is this: none of the bits I'm pointing out is anything to do with the world building, or Aylia's questions. They're bits of text which are simply redundant, when taking into account the context of the game, and hence they just disturb the flow of dialogue unnecessarily.

More broadly speaking, I don't think I can name a game which uses a distinct narrator in dialogue in the way that you do, so I can't help but wonder if that might be a major contributor to the problem. Or what I think of as a problem, at any rate.

I'll also point out that there's a couple of technical issues that (in my mind) don't help the problem with the flow of the game. First is the fact that there's a lot of slight pauses for things that should be 'instant' - the upshot of this is that a lot of things feel slower than they should e.g. text skip, battle. This is probably down to the scripts you're using. The other is Bogwart defaulting to advice all the time, but I believe you're already on that.

Anyhow, that's just my take on a potential issue. As I'm not so rushed at the moment, there are a fair number of positives in the game as well - art style is pretty damn good, story seems interesting and the battle system looks promising (although judgement is still out on that until Chapter 1 and H attacks etc). It's really is just the flow of the game that bugs me.

As an aside - I'd be interesting in looking at some of the other stuff you've written. Just curious.

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

But let's say a player didn't know something that I, as a designer consider critical to their enjoyment of the game. Then I, as a designer should start thinking critically about how I communicate this information to the player. Text tutorials are the least intuitive way to convey information within a game - sort of a last passable option. The flashing in this case is a great example of how to convey this information better - I didn't need no tutorial for that "It was in the tutorial" is basically not the best answer, is what I wanna say

Gotcha. I really did try to keep the exploration tutorial brief and somewhat comic with Bogwort relaying the information. But, I agree, text tutorials are not fun to read usually. But, it is hard with true game mechanics to relay them effectively through other means. Some things are intuitive, but stuff like knowing the pink enemies are H enemies, the sleeping enemies are bosses, etc. I feel it needs at least a slight intro, even if the display should make sense.

I'm not sure I 100% follow on your first point. You mean the introduction to the plants is too wordy? That may be the case, but again, it is tough for me because I put myself into Aylia's position and she would have questions. Those kind of introductions though are limited to the first time you experience things.

@Habisain: That makes A LOT more sense. I thought you were referring to the logical flow, which I agree the intro video is not the best. It should "fit" better, but it was kind of a relic to a prior idea, but I liked it enough so it was hard to drop .

As for what you are saying, that is completely a product of the majority of my writing being non game related. Those descriptors are more important when you don't have a visual cue, and it has been challenging for me to break that habit. I do get better through edits, believe me. You should have read the early version of the prologue (which I still have if anyone wants to see how terrible it all began). You'd probably cringe even more. I will note, that I do think some descriptors that you're referring to are kind of important. For example, the "massive" fire pellet is supposed to relay that while Bogwort is a shaman, his magic is actually quite weak. He believes himself to be quite a bit more powerful than he really is in this regard.

As for pauses, yea, it is probably RPG Maker. The engine is quite limited, and down the line I may move onto something better. The mines also use a lighting script that can lag a bit. I'm looking into "effectus" I think it is called which supposedly eliminates all event lag in RPG Maker. I'm just worried it will conflict with some of my other scripts. I will add though, that almost all the final scripts are in the game at this point, so it should not lag much worse. Also, I'm being smart with map sizes to keep event issues to a minimum.

As for my other work. YummyTiger on Literotica has my released stories. "A Hunter's Con" is probably what I consider my best piece, but Belar the Mighty is my favorite. It will get finished someday, but is just a for fun thing I do every now and then. Thanks again for the feedback everyone!

 

[habisain]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Yeah - when you mentioned that you'd written non-game stuff, I kinda thought that it might a translation of skill set error. Anyway, as a final bit of input on this, I'd just say that if there is information that you feel is important in the bits I'm saying break the flow, it may be best to present it in another way. So you mentioned Bogwart thinking he's more powerful than he actually is - I'd say that's something that could be reasonably inferred. Bogwart's introduction is sufficiently grandiose, but he's not particularly useful in a fight - especially in comparison to Aylia. Therefore the player would come to the conclusion that he's posturing. I'm not sure if you've explored the idea of Bogwart making excuses for his ineffectiveness/Aylia point out his ineffectiveness as a source of humour, but it can be a good source of giggles - 8 Bit Theater did this a lot with most of it's characters - and I suspect it would better convey how you want Bogwart to be seen.

Another thing to consider - instead of using the narrator voice to describe objects in the world, why not have Aylia/Bogwort describe them? Skies of Arcadia used this to great effect, mainly because it gives the characters doing the describing another chance to talk, which in turn delivers additional characterisation as well as the description of the object.

 

[bigtotoro]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

I'm not sure I 100% follow on your first point. You mean the introduction to the plants is too wordy? That may be the case, but again, it is tough for me because I put myself into Aylia's position and she would have questions. Those kind of introductions though are limited to the first time you experience things.

Okay, I checked back into the game to see what exactly it was that it I minded about the conversation. Let's take the example of the red flowers. My conclusion is basically what habisain already wrote, I guess. First you write that Aylia does not recognize the plant. Second text box is Aylia asking what the plant is. I'd be enough to have her ask, hence she apparently does not know the plant... I think if you kept the core of the conversation (flowers replenish energy and Bogwort is a greedy little bastard) it'd be completely fine and fitting. Keep it to 2 - 4 boxes of dialogue max unless you have a really funny joke up your sleeve.

Just don't forget to have Aylia and Bogwort have an Ace Attorney-like exchange if there's a ladder somewhere in the game (if you played the games that is )

Since you mention pink enemies, I personally think I'd be better to explain them only when you actually meet them. Like have Bogwort warn Aylia, and have her give a reaction that is much more genuine because their threat is much more present

Another thing, since to get to the flowers I tried to rush through the cave and past the bats. Please don't use enemies with increased evasion. Missing enemies due to bad luck and no skill involved is not fun.

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

I get what you both are saying, and I will definitely keep it in mind going forward. The prologue is pretty much set in stone at this point, so I'm not planning on rewriting or changing much. But, I am always trying to edit effectively and I have a few people helping me out as I go. Writing is a skill like anything else, and I'm hoping it will improve as the game progresses. Thanks though for taking the time to explain what you meant!

As for enemies with evasion. You can rest assured that there will not be many, but they will also stay in the game. As a whole, the battle system is not going to be grind-oriented, so you won't be fighting a plethora of any of these enemies. Essentially, once you've cleared an area of the 3-5 enemies, it will stay cleared aside from 1 or maybe 2 that reappear after a day passes. Also, there will be skills and support abilities to deal with evasion enemies.

 

[Yugifan3]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Did a topic search, but couldn't find it. Will Aylia's Story have Pregnancy, Egg , Spawning? Or do i need to fork over 50$ to have it included? xD

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Did a topic search, but couldn't find it. Will Aylia's Story have Pregnancy, Egg , Spawning? Or do i need to fork over 50$ to have it included? xD

Pregnancy was requested by one of my $50 supporters, so will most likely make a limited appearance. It will not be a full-fledged thing though. I have no plans currently for egg or spawning. There is a much better possibility that you'd see a more integrated pregnancy system in the next game, as currently, I'd planned for Aylia to be infertile--as result of Divine interference. I've been in some early discussions though with that supporter, and there will be a way that Aylia can end up pregnant.

 

[Guuk]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Gotcha. I really did try to keep the exploration tutorial brief and somewhat comic with Bogwort relaying the information. But, I agree, text tutorials are not fun to read usually. But, it is hard with true game mechanics to relay them effectively through other means. Some things are intuitive, but stuff like knowing the pink enemies are H enemies, the sleeping enemies are bosses, etc. I feel it needs at least a slight intro, even if the display should make sense.

You don't have to explain everything in the tutorial, you could for example just tell the player what a pink or sleeping ghost is when you first encounter them and explain how to equip armor and how the armor stat works when you first find a piece of EQ and so on.

And in options have a toggle for "show hints" along with "view previously seen hints".

That said i liked your demo and i can tell youve put more effort into it than most of the other rpgmaker games out there, thank you for that! Looking forward to more content!

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

You don't have to explain everything in the tutorial, you could for example just tell the player what a pink or sleeping ghost is when you first encounter them and explain how to equip armor and how the armor stat works when you first find a piece of EQ and so on.

And in options have a toggle for "show hints" along with "view previously seen hints".

That said i liked your demo and i can tell youve put more effort into it than most of the other rpgmaker games out there, thank you for that! Looking forward to more content!

I'd say having a short tutorial at the start is far simpler than trying to pop in a tutorial as you go. Additionally, not really sure why the tutorial is a big deal at all. You can skip it if you don't want to read about 10 text boxes or 1 minute of text.

The toggle hints idea is nice, but would require quite a bit more work to do in RPG Maker. Definitely not worth the effort when I can create a simple tutorial at the start and be done with it. I can list off a ton of games (triple AAA included) that start with a much longer tutorial.

Thanks!

 

[YummyTiger]

Re: Aylia's Story - English H-Game Goodness!

Yea, the amount of work it has taken to get all the stuff setup in Aylia's Story really set me back. Had I solely work on the translation, it probably would have been done months ago, but Aylia's Story is my baby and takes priority. If you open up the demo, you can see just how many scripts I have setup and working together. It is a pretty big list now, and add in that I'm not using any of the precreated stuff in RPG Maker, all the skills, states, enemies, etc. are specifically created--it just took a lot of work.

I'm still planning on picking the translation back up after chapter 1 is released. I fiddled around with it a bit in July and August, but only just a bit. It will take me a few days at this point just to get back into the groove of translating and remember where I was at. Still, Hunter's Quest is a nice, simple game. Will be a good addition to the English RPG Maker games we have. I just hope a few people actually buy the game and support the author.