Re: The Ranting/Debate Thread
Another thread reminded me of how much the Twilight movie killed me. It was a few months ago, but my rage just fired up again.
Long story short, I've never read the books, but my girlfriend has. She hated them. We wanted to watch the movie to see how awful it would be. We were expecting it to be awful. Boy were we in for a shock.
It had to be the WORST movie I've EVER seen. Granted, I'm not a movie buff, but HOLY BART'S ASS that movie was gawdawful. Plot holes that had to be explained to me through the people who had read the books. Yes, I say books. Some of the stuff that didn't make sense in the FIRST movie wasn't explained until the SECOND book. Here's an example: the girl is totally turned on by the boy, but there is zero flinching away from him during the incredibly awkward "sex" scenes when his skin is supposed to be as cold as ice and hard as rock. I'm sorry, but I don't find an ice cube cuddly. I just don't. Here's another example: I didn't know what the fuck was going on with the baseball scene until it was explained that the only reason they can play in the storms is so the thunder masks the loudness of their bats hitting the ball (because of their super strength). Fuck you. That sort of force against an ordinary aluminum bat would simply break it, the ball, or both.
The acting was by far the worst acting I'd ever seen in any major film. The whole movie made me feel fucking AWKWARD. Do you know how hard that is, for someone else's awkwardness in an obviously fictional setting to actually make YOU uncomfortable? I kept wanting to say something along the lines of "Welll.... I'll be going outside now" to relieve the tension!
The "romance" was even worse than Mass Effect. The two trade calf-eyes for a while and then all of a sudden they're lovers. Who don't have sex. Because the author is a Mormon, and sex is bad. Do you know how she resolves sex in the later books (apparently they don't have sex until the fourth book)? She has the girl (whose viewpoint it is written from) black out until they're done. How retardedly lame is that? What the FUCK is a romance novel without the SEX?
The special effects were fucking shitty as fuck. A ten year old with an ordinary home camera could do the exact same thing; all they did was
The people defending the movie say that "Oh well you didn't like it because it wasn't your typical vampire movie. You were obviously expecting an action/horror flick, when this is a romance story. That's what makes it great."
FYI: FUCK YOU. Romance between human and [insert incompatible other race here] has been DONE TO DEATH. Vampires, werewolves, elves that will live fifty times the lifespan of their partner, IT'S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE. This story is 100% UNORIGINAL. STOP treating it like it's the Jesus' second coming because this dilemma is in at least half of the fantasy books I've ever read, and I own SHELVES of them.
Here's the kicker. I was expecting this movie to have a retardedly low budget, considering how bad it was. But when I look it up, it cost almost $40,000,000. That's right. Almost half the cost of the first Matrix. I've seen movies that had a tenth of that budge that were better. I have NO IDEA where the fuck they put all that money. There weren't many sets (although I will admit that some of the sets they did have were gorgeous), the actors came out of some homeless wino's asshole, the dialogue was atrocious at best, and the special effects might as well have not been in there for how shitty they looked. Apparently this movie was shot in a little under a month, with a week of preparation.
Here's a hint, jackholes of film production: IT SHOWS.
This movie makes me want to bash my skull in.
I didn't hate battlefield earth