Re: Alansya Chronicles - Fleeting Iris [DEMO UPDATED 2017]
Okay. I played the updated demo of Fleeting Iris. Congrats on getting more content sorta-kinda finished!
Only problem is, you really should consider proofreading or bug testing your game. I sped through the updated demo and found several issues worth mentioning.
1) Text fell off screen in random places (I assume because your game uses a non standard font for it's text).
2) The blackmail plot is silly, but the time you start getting blackmailed over 1000zil, you already have nearly 500-600zil from start and from working. So it's sort of a joke that Ayame would fall for blackmailing for such a small amount that Melvin paid to cover for her. It's like Any sane woman would be like "Hey thanks for covering that for me, I'll pay you back after I work 6-10 more days."
3) After finishing the stepson route, you have an ending that hints at being able to purchase a dildo when Ayame's morality falls low enough even though you can walk to the adult shop and purchase it on day one.
4) The razor item to change Ayame's pubic hair is gone after one use? Ouch.
5) In this version I can't seem to find the trigger for the step son to spy on her in the shower, yet the stepson was able to jerk off in Ayame's panties. After the stepson jerked off in the panties, the memory room had the memory/CG for the shower peeking unlocked, but not the ACTUAL scene that
was unlocked (panty masturbation).
6)Ayame's morality doesn't lower and her lust doesn't raise even a single number after some VERY lewd events. As of right now I can't even find a way to trigger the neighbors storyline because Ayame's morality is far too high. The event in the park also gave me that message, but finally I was able to find an event that lowered my stats just enough to get the scene in the park.
Also there's the simple spelling grammar errors, and then also the times when you randomly throw Japanese words into the middle of English text. I get that Ayame is Japanese, but she's speaking perfect English otherwise, she would not refer to Japan as Nippon. And even if she was bad at English, she would more than likely use the less formal version (Nihon).
From wikipedia;
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Modern conventions
While both pronunciations are correct, Nippon is frequently preferred for official purposes,[8] including money, stamps, and international sporting events, as well as the Nippon koku, literally the "State of Japan" (日本国).
Other than this, there seem to be no fixed rules for choosing one pronunciation over the other; in some cases one form is simply more common. For example, Japanese speakers generally call their language Nihongo; Nippongo, while possible,[9] is rare. In other cases, uses are variable.
Basically the point is. Use English, you're trying way too hard to stress that Ayame is originally from Japan and you're not even doing that correctly.
Other than that, good job finally getting some scenes finished. Granted, I could do it faster and with less errors (zero) aside from the CG. And that's with 2 days of RPG maker experience, but you did decently for a "studio" than only 542 patrons (with an undisclosed monthly budget). If you'd ever like to step up the quality in your game, let me know. I'd be willing to playtest and find all the bugs, spelling errors, logic/storyline errors and grammar errors. I could test a game with 25 times the content as your recent demo in about 2 days if I was going for 95% accuracy.
P.S. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be negative. I just know your team could do much better. And I'm sure you know that as well. I just wanted to put it into black and white for you.
. They probably didn't think about the past much !
